Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell our readers a little bit about yourself and what you do professionally?
Hello I am Michael Cavallaro. I am a recovered Highly Sensitive Person. I struggled since birth until my forties with this issue. From as early as I can remember I have felt far more than anyone around me. I have the ability to sense my environment and people in a way that I often preferred not to but have come to embrace this sensitivity as a gift. I can remember as early as six years old being intuitive and “seeing and feeling” things.
I am from a middle class blue collar family. In my career I have been a carpenter, manager in retail and a business owner all of which prepared me for my life purpose of being a Life Mentor and Clairsentient. I played football, basketball and baseball quite successfully and still enjoy watching them. I have done all these things using my gift and struggling when it created situations I could not control or navigate successfully.
I am joyfully married to my loving wife Adele (not the singer) and have six grown children and five grandchildren.
For the last 38 years I have been a Life Mentor and Clairsentient. I assist people in changing their lives to reflect what their heart desires to experience in all walks of life. I am an authority on Parenting, Relationships, Self Discovery, Belief Systems and the Human Experience. I have written a book called Invisible Challenges™ for business and relationships to assist with this in the work place and personally as well as several other books.
Can you help define for our readers what is meant by a Highly Sensitive Person?
HSP can traditionally be defined as: acute physical, mental, and emotional responses to external (social, people, places, things and environment) or internal (self created, emotional, mental) stimuli.
A highly sensitive person seems to have a sensitive nervous system because they are aware of subtleties in their environment that “normal” people are not while often easily overwhelmed by the things they feel. They often feel different and like they do not fit in.
This is where my experience and opinion expand with an additional view point. There are typically two parts to this.
The first part is a psychic and invisible component. In my experience both with clients and personally, sensitive people “feel” everything and lack the “normal” filters to process energy and people in their environment as well as the thoughts and feelings they have within. However these filters can be developed with the proper mentoring.
The second part is how they were raised and the belief systems they have acquired. Their belief systems will dictate if their sensitivity is toward themselves, others or both.
Does it simply mean that feelings are easily hurt or offended?
No, but it often includes this. Their responses are far more complex and deeper than traditional therapy recognizes. They typically feel so much that it overwhelms their available coping skills which often leads to inappropriate or misunderstood social responses.
I would also like to mention that there seems to be three categories of HSP.
- The Extrovert
- The Moderate
- The Introvert
Does a Highly Sensitive Person have a higher degree of empathy towards others?
No and yes, empathy is different than sensitive. Each individual is different in their empathy; in fact there are even times when an individual HSP may shut off their empathy because it is too much feeling.
On the other hand HSPs are often hyper aware of the emotions of others, they think about what others need, and they are concerned with helping others. Sometimes this is due to a form of empathy or compassion. However this focus is often to avoid feeling other people’s feelings. An adept HSP will try to manage other people’s issues to limit the amount feelings they will have to deal with in their environment.
For an HSP, the experience of empathy is not just to “understand” someone’s emotions it is about feeling them. Many HSPs absorb emotions, more accurately they are triggered by the emotions and feelings of others. Even when the individual isn’t visibly expressing emotions HSP’s pick up on them. They also pick up/are triggered by feelings from places as well. In fact I would say that HSP’s are psychic/ intuitive and feel that others cannot see or explain.
Is a Highly Sensitive Person offended by hurtful remarks made about other people?
Yes, they are just like everyone else and sometimes hyper sensitive due to their feeling nature. Typically the sensitivity for others is not as intense when it is about others, especially if they are not a loved one, unless it is directly related to a belief system they acquired as a child.
They are often more sensitive than others because they are feeling the intent and meaning behind the words. Because of this they are feeling and responding to the real message behind the words or even the emotions that are being expressed invisibly. As you can see there are many unseen levels going on simultaneously with and HSP.
This next comment is very important to understand. HSP’s responses are goverened by the beliefs they carry and the belief systems they have developed.
Does a Highly Sensitive Person have greater difficulty with certain parts of popular culture, entertainment or news, that depict emotional or physical pain? Can you explain or give a story?
In general this seems to vary from individual to individual. Some do and some do not. One of the challenges is the way the individual judges what they feel and that then results in their experience which in turn creates the adverse experience or not.
Sam and Sue both are HSP. Sam and Sue both hear about a train accident. Sam responds by feeling what he has heard and says to hiself….wow that is unfortunate and boy can I feel that pain. Sam then proceeds to get back to his tasks at hand and goes about finishing them. Sue on the other hand says OMG this is horrible, those poor people, what can I do? I wish I could do something. I need to help them and stop their pain. Sue ruminates on this for two days and cannot function properly as being so distracted that she must leave her job.
You can see how the different judgments and responses affected them both and their functinality.
Can you please share a story about how a highly sensitive nature created problems for someone at work or socially?
Mary works in an office with about 20 other people. There is your typical office gossip and complaining. Every time Mary hears is going on she becomes hyper focused on what is being said and begins to pay attention to the mood of others. She’s typically looking for how what they are saying is directly related to her. Once Mary hears anything that she can relate to herself she begins to get emotional. This continues until Mary reaches a point where she is totally upset with the people who are talking about others and she has assumed that some of this conversation is about her. Now Mary’s emotions are heightened in her issues about being accepted or being picked on like she was at home as a child for her sensitivities. At this point Mary is ruminating in her mind of the possible stories and all the feelings that she’s getting both from others and within herself from her past experience. Mary finally reaches a point where she confronts coworkers about what is happening. The people associated with the conversation and whom she confronts begin to shun her and avoid her as they are finding her overemotional and very confrontive. This goes on for a month or so till it finally blows up and the supervisor has to step in to resolve the problem. Mary eventually finds out that what the people were talking about were people from another department and she had felt their dislike and their attitudes but had misinterpreted in as it being about her. Which caused a rift between her and her coworkers. This rift became so great at some point that Mary had to be transferred to another department.
When does the average person’s level of sensitivity rise above the societal norm? When is one seen as “too sensitive”?
There is no stead fast rule but I would say: if you find your self distracted or focused on others more than you, would be one sign you are moving above the societal norm. Too sensitive is when you are distracted or governed by feeling so much from the outside world that it becomes a primary focus or interferes with a functional life.
I’m sure that being Highly Sensitive also gives one certain advantages. Can you tell us a few advantages that Highly Sensitive people have?
Some of the advantages of being a highly sensitive person is you can sense when things are going on in your environment almost like a forewarning. If you have learned to become accurate in your interpretation of what you are feeling this is a great benefit. However if you have not polish the skills of interpretation you may make mistakes and create greater problems like Mary in the previous example.
Other benefits:
- a strong sense of self-awareness
- they can be better leaders due to their sensitivities and awareness of others
- they can be great problem solvers
- they are often intuitive
- They learn more quickly through an almost osmosis process
- often have a greater awareness of their environment and the needs of others
- they feel things before they are even visible
- they are often a good judge of character
Can you share a story that you have come across where great sensitivity was actually an advantage?
This is a personal story. Ever since I was a child I had the ability to sense if there was danger in my environment. Throughout my whole life I have run about a 95% accuracy on this topic. This has led to many situations were either I told my parents or prevented unwanted situations for myself and my own family.
One example: I was in Rome Italy with my wife we were walking through the park and it was dusk. There was something that kept telling me to look over my shoulder that there was something going on and I had to watch. After we walked about halfway through the park I spotted a car moving along at the same speed as we were parallel to us and to men walking behind us about 100 yards moving closer to us. Upon this sense we became very aware of the activity of the car and the man and noticed that they kept getting closer the deeper into the park we got. There was no one else around so we decided to quickly exit the park and get back onto a public street. Now I have no evidence but my feeling about the whole event was they were looking to rob us or something and because of my sensitivity we were able to avoid that.
Things like this happened to me throughout my life both in environmental situations, sales situations and personal friendships. Each time I got the sensations and I made decisions in these three examples I found out later that there truly had been something going on beyond what could be seen. Which validated my sensitivities and my intuitive decision in regards to them. However what I did discover is that interpretation is the key to being good at your sensitivities because all too often we can interpret through our own personal issues and beliefs that create unnecessary situations that were not accurate. It took me quite a few years to perfect the accuracy of my interpretations. I have witnessed many people having sensations like these and misjudging them due to their belief systems and creating more problems than were necessary.
There seems to be no harm in being overly empathetic. What’s the line drawn between being empathetic and being Highly Sensitive?
In my experience I would disagree and say that being over empathetic can cause some personal issues and emotions that are absolutely not necessary. There needs to be some sort of logical balance when being empathetic with others and understanding that what happens to others is up to them to resolve not for us as other individuals to fix or prevent for them. If we take up this latter attitude you will find yourself in other people’s business, feeling obligated and also judging yourself for not successfully preventing whatever it was.
Empathy is the ability to identify and understand the feelings or emotions of another person. Empathy tends to be more mental with some feeling component. Where as in HSP feel the energy or invisible sensations of the person or environment they are experiencing. They may or may not understand the feelings or emotions of another person. With practice and maturity most HSP’s develop the skills of identifying and understanding when they become familiar with the sensations that they feel.
Social Media can often be casually callous. How does Social Media affect a Highly Sensitive Person? How can a Highly Sensitive Person utilize the benefits of social media without being pulled down by it?
Yes this is true about social media and often times HSP’s are repulsed by those types of environments and yet at the other extreme they may become a little aggressive if they feel attacked or triggered into one of their belief systems that tells them this is a negative and attacking experience. On the other hand they may simply avoid these things altogether to avoid feeling the harshness of others.
It is my opinion that anyone using social media should do an internal check as to their motivation and purpose for using social media. They must also check to see if they have the balance within to handle poorly communicated written information that can be taken any way based upon the mental or emotional state of the individual reading. This would make an HSP highly vulnerable to adverse feelings if they have personal issues, low self-esteem or other negative or limiting family belief patterning’s.
How would you advise your patient to respond if something they hear or see bothers or affects them, but others comment that that are being petty or that it is minor?
I always advise my clients to check with in first before responding to external stimuli. All of their answers lie within and if they can learn how to access them and trail the inner emotions to the reason they are having them they will be able to respond appropriately. I share with all of my clients that all of your emotions come from within you they do not come from external stimuli. External stimuli simply triggers the internal beliefs that you carry and then you respond. So by realizing that the answers are within and you are at the core having created them either consciously or unconsciously empowers you to be free of these unnecessary or negative experiences.
What strategies do you recommend to your patients to overcome the challenges that come with being overly sensitive without changing their caring and empathetic nature?
To recognize that they cannot heal the world or cease the world’s pain. To understand that they are only responsible for healing and caring for their own pain. They may then share their wisdom with others who have the option to do so themselves. It is best if they relinquish all forms of obligation or need to control their environment or the experiences of others and yet have compassion for what others go through while allowing them to have their own unique experiences.
What are the “myths” that you would like to dispel about being a Highly Sensitive Person? Can you explain what you mean?
As you know, one of the challenges of being a Highly Sensitive Person is the harmful, and dismissive sentiment of “why can’t you just stop being so sensitive?” What do you think needs to be done to make it apparent that it just doesn’t work that way?
In HSP should know that they are what they are and that it is a special gift. They should also know that many or even all of their sensitivities can be modified through conscious exploration and inner personal development. I myself personally have overcome all of my sensitivities that were negative to my experience and have developed my sensitivities to serve me in a way that they are a gift. Knowing this personally and firsthand is why I’m able to make the statement that anything can be changed. But just because it can be changed doesn’t mean it will or that every individual will want to that is completely unique unto each person.
Next they should know never change for others. If you want to change you change because it makes your life better and it somehow turns your sensitivity into your gift. Do not be affected by other people’s judgments or opinions. Seek your own answers and desires from your heart not from the words or influences of others. This is the greatest gift you can give to yourself. You cannot stop being who you are but you can change the way you experience or interpret it. In doing so it should serve you not others. In other words love yourself and you will find your gift, in fact you will find that you are the gift.
If I had my own choice of something I would like to dispel, that would be that there is something wrong with an HSP. That they are broken or that they must be like others. One of the most beautiful responses I have ever heard to the to dismissive statement above was: “I cannot stop from being so sensitive anymore than you can take your nose off of your face”.
Can you share with us your “5 Things You Need To Know To Survive And Thrive As A Highly Sensitive Person? Please give a story or an example for each.
- Your sensitivities are truly a gift- start to see your sensitivities as an extra sense that can tell you about people, places, things and events.
- Focus on developing your inner wisdom – use your sensitivities to develop your intuition in your heart connection to your own inner knowing.
- Everything that you feel does not belong to you – remain conscious of the fact that most of what you are feeling is not yours. Also remain conscious that much of the way you interpret what you are feeling is due to childhood induced belief systems and typically are not accurate or your own. Keep reminding yourself that you are separate from what you are feeling and develop your interpretive skills.
- Trust your intuition and develop your ability to interpret what you feel accurately – learn to trust your intuition and your newly developed ability to accurately interpret things you feel. When in doubt or unsure of the true meaning of what you are feeling ask questions to validate what you are sensing as accurate or inaccurate.
- The beliefs you hold and your sensitivities can be changed by changing your consciousness. Find and use a method such as my belief change technique found on my website http://itstimetoawaken.com to dissolve and change your belief systems. By doing this you will automatically shift a large percentage of your sensitivities from being intolerable to a completely tolerable gift.
Can you share with us your “5 Things You Need To Know To Survive And Thrive If You Love Or Are In A Relationship With A Highly Sensitive Person. Please give a story or an example for each.
- Respect and try to understand their sensitivities and gifts. – Begin to see that your loved one is extremely unique and gifted. When they speak of their sensitivities do your best to listen and advise in any way that will make their life and integration with others easier. Also know that you are quite fortunate to have someone who can feel and sense so deeply and that this uniqueness will make it possible for you to have a very connected relationship.
- Whether you understand them or not accept and believe them for their experience is something you may never be able to fully understand. – Do your very best to understand them, ask questions and elicit feedback. When you do not understand what they are going through just listen with an open heart, sometimes that’s all they need.
- Do your best to have open, transparent and clear communication with each other. – The more transparent. Relationship of the Clear your communication the more fulfilling and connected your relationship will be. You must be equally as clear as you are requiring them to be. Keep them on task and require that they explained to you in their very best language what they are going through and feeling. Explain to them that you are asking this so that you can more deeply understand them and improve your relationship.
- Asked them how they need you to support them to make your relationship better.-Ask them directly what they need from you and how it needs to be presented so that it is palatable and understandable to them.
- Tell them how you need to be supported in order to understand them and make your relationship more loving and enjoyable. – Be clear to them that the way they asked for support and you are trying to provide it that it is now your turn to request what you need. Do not underestimate their ability to communicate even if their current communicative skills are lacking. Explain to them how by doing things in a way that you have requested and saying things in the way that you have requested will make it easier for you
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.
The movement I would love to inspire is for each and every person to have the desire to discover their own inner wisdom and self-love. Once they have discovered this; will to live a life from their heart and by example whereby all people are equal, are loved, have attained self-love and that love is shared with others. To make sure that all beings on this planet are cared for, respected and honored for whom they are and whatever gifts they have to bring to this planet. Most of all: may everyone live and create a fulfilled, loving and joyful life in whatever way makes their heart sing.
How can our readers follow you online?
You can follow me online at:
Additional Notes:
Things HSP should not do- process others feelings, believe that if they feel it they should fix it, misinterpret that everything they feel is theirs, self medicate, believe everything you feel, care taking others.
Things HSP should do – develop their consciousness, avoid self numbing, develop their own intuitive filter, focus on their inner self development, self care, improve their communication skills, improve their ability to express their emotions in a healthy and socially acceptable fashion.
HSP is sometimes is a result of past life traumas and due to an imbalance in their energy field. This topic is a little bit more esoteric and we will not address this in this particular writing. However you should know that the foundation and basics of the answer to this lies in quantum physics and some of the new sciences being discovered.
