Self-esteem is the level of self-confidence or value a person has about themselves. It has no basis in reality about a person’s essence. Self-esteem is overrated and beaten to death with no real resolution except continuous coping. All this focus on self-esteem is as effective as focusing on a flat tire and not changing it.
Fact: self-esteem comes from a belief system.
Fact: self esteem is self generated and environmentally created.
Fact: self-esteem is an illusion.
The belief in or of self esteem is a perception that was made as a small child that you accepted as the truth. You determined that something outside of you determines your value. You may have decided that if you behave a certain way you get attention or love. This supports the belief that your behaviors determine your value and as such other people dictate the behaviors that make you loveable. So you may have become a people pleaser. You may be afraid to disagree or behave the way you really feel you should so as not to be rejected, not accepted or even unloved.
The next key to self esteem is that with all of the above you have determined how you feel or perceive yourself either positively or negatively. This self judgment is used as the determining factor for whether your self esteem is high or low. This is all mental judgment!
What you never really got was, you can never satisfy anyone else’s desires. Nor can you gain anything by measuring yourself against what the world says you should be or are. The reason is that desires and standards change based upon the needs or issues of the moment.
So please do not create this same mess for your children. Do not teach them that their behaviors determine that they are loved, liked or accepted. Love the essence of your child and do not judge them because they do not fit a mold you or someone else determines they should fit into. Let them create their own mold.
And please stop doing this to yourself.
This does not mean let your child get away with unacceptable behaviors. What it means is teach them social skills appropriate with their environment. Then allow them to choose to use them or not and experience the results of their choice. You are not fulfilling your parental duties if you are rescuing or saving them. Protect them physically, teach them emotional skills and allow them to experience their own life process. This is the greatest gift you can give them.
Always use common sense when parenting your child or your inner child! Be reasonable logical and rational and they will learn to do the same even if they choose not to use these qualities.
One thing for sure is humanity has over complicated darn near everything. Let’s start to get back to the simplicity in life by getting to the root of things.
Fact: if you get to the root when problem-solving, there is no need for the complications.
Fact: the world loves complications; the complications make money, allows powerless people to feel powerful, keeps you busy and allows the powers that be to control the show.
Self-esteem is not necessary.
Self esteem creates more problems and never solves any
Self esteem is self judgment
Self esteem is only a temporary coping mechanism for the disconnection to your own heart
Love yourself and your and your child enough to never judge either of you, self esteem will fade away and self fulfillment will flourish.
May this serve you in some way,
Michael
Self Esteem
